apparently the secret to your success is patron
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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