he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Someone signed my nipple.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
