I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
