she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
