Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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