how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize