i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
