Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Can I color on your dick again?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
