I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
