wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
