I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
