you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
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