I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
