there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just high enough for therapy.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
