she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Randomize
