it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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