Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
