remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
This is my gift to your gina
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
