When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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