Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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