1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
my phone needs a breathalizer
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
