im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
