the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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