I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
two words: eviction party
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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