The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
