Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
