I showed him my bush... on skype.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
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Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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