well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
