This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
