I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
