No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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