I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
