i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
