in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
