I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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