Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
