What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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