She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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