just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I need to calm my uterus...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
