I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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