i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
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