Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
