the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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