I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
