I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
this beer tastes like vomit already
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
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His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
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I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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