While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
