First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
