I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
