She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
