You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
