so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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