good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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