you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
