What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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