What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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