I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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