if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
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You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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