dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
