She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
