All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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