I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
