im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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