Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
