hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
