It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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