Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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