Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
