It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Panties = found
Randomize
