Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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