Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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