No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
